Q: Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
A: They do because at night the temperature is cooler than during the day and it’s less strenuous to work.

Q: How come I can pick my ears but not my nose?
A: Well, because you can blow your nose, but not your ears.

Q: How do they get the “Keep off the Grass” sign on the grass?
A: They hire an Olympic javelin thrower to toss the sign.

Popularity: 2% [?]

I’ve decided to start a series of sorts. Kimmie and I stumbled upon a sweet website called, as the title suggests, “Stupid Questions – Things That Make You Go “hmmm””. After reading quite a few of them back and forth, I decided that I would pick one, every day, every other day, whatever, and answer it. Just to make it even more silly.

To commemorate this grand occasion, I will do 4 at once. You know, since 4 is my favourite number. Yeah. Hush you. You know who you are.

~~~~~~~~~~

Q: What do they call a French kiss in France?
A: A francais kiss. Of course

Q: What do you call male ballerinas?
A: Theodore. No offense to the actual guys named that.

Q: What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
A: Oh shit?

Q: What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?
A: Hopefully it gets washed.

~~~~~~~~~~

Stay tuned…

Popularity: 8% [?]

Setting: A dark and messy room

Lights down.
Lights up.

There is a bed in the middle of the room. The alarm clock has been beeping for an unknown length of time. Clothes are scattered on the floor. A glass of water, half full, sits on the night table. There is a body lying on the bed, face down, sprawled out. The body, appearing lifeless, slowly moves and lets out a groan.

Unknown figure: God, I pray to you. If you help me get rid of this hangover, I will NEVER ever drink again.

How many times have we uttered this prayer aloud to ourselves? Don’t we realize it is in vain? Why do we say it? Even if we don’t believe in God, do we think he is that powerful that he can magically cure a hangover? Who was the first person to speak these words? I’m sure it has been happening for a while and until a cure is found for hangovers, it will continue to be spoken…

Popularity: 1% [?]

So I’ve been listening to a lot of comedy lately on XM and I started to write down the comic’s name when I heard someone really funny. Plus I already had some comedians that I like. So, I will update this list as it happens, but I highly recommend checking any of them out if you want a laugh!

Mitch Hedberg
George Carlin
Robert Schimmel
Jerry Seinfeld
Steven Wright
Larry the Cable Guy
Tom Rhodes
Mystro Clark
David Feldman
Sam Kinison
Todd Barry
Bob Zany
Dave Anderson
Henry Youngman
Eddie Brill
Willie Barcena
John Bowman
Derek Richards
Bill Burr
Kelly McDonald
Tom Shillue
Mike Merryfield
Brian Posehn
Dave Attell
Larry Miller
Jackie Martling
Brian Regan
Doug Stanhope
Doug Powell
Dane Cook
Rodney Carrington
Modi
Rob Little
Sean Morey
Jeff Caldwell
Frank Calliendo
Daniel Tosh
Tom Pecora
Jim Norton
Buzz Nutley
Derrick Cameron
Jimmy Pardo
Bobby Collins
Dan Levy
Richard Jeni
Drew Hastings
Gallagher
John Pinette
T-Rexx
Margaret Cho
Alonzo Bodden
Jeremy Hotz
Demetri Martin
Jim Gaffigan
Emo Phillips
Bill Burr
Jim Norton
Stephen Lynch
Kathleen Madigan
Greg Fitzsimmons
Jeff Dunham
David Brenner
Sam Kinison
Greg Wilson
Jamie Kilstein
Jim Gaffigan
Redd Foxx
Bobby Slayton
Dobie Maxwell
Jamie Kennedy

Popularity: 6% [?]

Sometimes we reach a certain period in our lives in which we’ve forgotten our roots. The past few days have felt like such a period. Well don’t fear. I have rediscovered my true self. What is this true self that I speak of. What is it that I’ve forgotten. What is it that truly defines who I am as an individual, both spirtually, mentally, physically, and scentwise? Well, it can really only be one thing. That thing is Kenny Rogers Jackass. I get mopey. That happens when I don’t watch Kenny Rogers Jackass at least once a week. Well, I watched it tonight. Here’s to a fantastic week.

Of particular note, and really the core of my inner being, is the Batfetcher with your teeth. If you haven’t tried it, you really haven’t lived until you’ve caught a Louisville Slugger in your pearly whites.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VV6In1K8zKk

Popularity: 1% [?]

13. When is the last time you saw your mom?
Thursday, May 17, 2001; the night she died. 14. What color are your eyes?
Green/Brown. Depending on what I’m wearing and perhaps my mood?

15. What time did you wake up today?
Around 10:30, Sheena and I had to start packing since we fly back to Calgary tomorrow.

16. What are you wearing right now?
Brown cotton pants and a striped dress shirt.

17. What’s your favorite Christmas song?
So This Is Christmas by John Lennon.

18. Where is your favorite place to be?
This has changed over the years, but I would have to say that it would be on Wickwire field at Dalhousie University throwing a frisbee.

19. Where is your least favorite place to be?
Sitting in the gym writing a final exam.

20. Where would you go if you could go anywhere?
Africa on a safari or perhaps to New Zealand on a looong tour.

21. Where do you think you’ll be in 10 years?
Hopefully working a sweet job, teaching my kids how to play sports, and still playing ultimate at a high level. Or maybe golf

22. Do you tan or burn?
Both. Depends on how long I’m outside and if I wear sunscreen or not.

23. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
A fire

24. What was the last thing that made you laugh?
Watching Sheena walk from the car to the steps. She took a wiiide turn

25. How many TVs do you have?
4

26. How big is your bed?
Queen. Anything smaller suuucks.

27. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer?
Both, although I use my laptop way more than the desktop. Too bad it’s not as easy to upgrade a laptop as it is to upgrade a desktop.

28. Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
On – boxers and an undershirt.

29. What color are your sheets?
Navy blue, green, or gray.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?
1 for my head and one for between my knees. Sometimes with a body pillow too. That’s a good sleep

31. What is your favorite season?
Summer. Get to go golfing, play frisbee, and run outside. I’m like a puppy dog in the summertime And winter is pretty grand too. Time for hockey and skiing.

32. What do you like about fall?
Crisp air and the smell of leaves.

33. What do you like about winter?
Fresh snow and ice.

34. What do you like about the summer?
Weather.

35. What do you like about spring?
Warm weather but also cool temperature.

36. How many provinces have you lived in?
3 – Alberta, New Brunswick, and Nova Scotia.

37. How many cities/towns have you lived in?
5 – Edmonton, Calgary, Halifax, Woodstock, Ardrossan.

38. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
Shoes with socks.

39. Are you a social person?
Sometimes. Mostly I like to have time for myself though.

40. What was the last thing you ate?
Sunomono, Caesar salad, japanese chicken wings, and Dairy Queen cake (Sheena and I made the food, except for the cake of course, for dinner)

41. What is your favorite restaurant?
Sushi Club in Calgary

42. What is your favorite ice cream?
Chocolate Chocolate Chip – Haagen Daas. They only sell it on the States now so when I’m down there, I eat like one per day! hahaha. Mmmmm.

43. What is your favorite dessert?
Rhubarb crumble.

44. What is your favorite kind of soup?
Chicken noodle soup.

45. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich?
Homemade strawberry jam with the little strawberries.

47. Do you like coffee?
Yuck. Hell no. Water for me.

48. How many glasses of water, a day, do you drink on average?
4 or 5 litres of water minimum. Depends on how much exercise I get.

49. What do you drink in the morning?
Water and sometimes orange juice.

50. Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?
Depends. With someone is nice, but when I’m actually sleeping, I like to have my own space.

51. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?
Against the wall at home, but when I sleep alone, I sleep in the middle.

52. Do you know how to play poker?
Yup.

53. Do you like to cuddle?
Gee let me think. Um, yes.

54. Have you ever been to Canada?
Lol. Nuff said.

55. Do you have an addictive personality?
Not so much.

56. Do you eat out or at home more often?
For the last year, it’s been out more often than in it seems, but with the New Year comes a resolution to change that. Twice per month we’re gonna aim for. That’ll be good.

58. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you?
Yup, an older lady who’s friends with my grandparents that lives a few houses away from them. She would always send me a birthday card

59. Do you want kids?
Yup.

60. Do you speak any other languages?
Used to be bilingual in french, but it’s kinda rough now.

61. Have you ever gotten stitches?
3 times in my chin cuz of the stupid new helmets that we wore in high school.

62. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
Nope.

63. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool?
Beach cuz you can play frisbee on the shore. But I sorta don’t like the taste of saltwater, so for pure swimming I like the pool.

64. Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seats?
Window. Although the best seats on the plane are at the emergency exit.

65. Do you know how to drive stick?
Yup.

66. What is your favorite thing to spend money on?
Electronic stuff – mostly for my computer. And eating out. And stuff for ultimate. And dvd’s. Dammit, I love spending money on stuff.

67. Do you wear any jewelry 24/7?
My watch once in a while. My grad ring even less.

68. What is your favorite TV show?
Smallville, Nip Tuck, and The Apprentice.

69. Can you roll your tongue?
Twist it yes.

70. Who is the funniest person you know?
Elliot.

71. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
Nope. Just Sheena.

73. Do you still have clothes from when you were little?
Not with me in Calgary, but my dad’s saved some.

74. What color are your bedroom walls?
White.

75. Do you turn off the water while you brush your teeth?
I do. And I turn the water off when Sheena brushes her teeth and it drives her nutty.

76. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
I don’t have a closet door. But when I did, it was normally closed.

77. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?
Bees. You can outrun them. The bear. Well, that’s a different story.

78. Do you flirt a lot?
Um, hrm, once in a while yes.

79. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
Honey sauce is good.

80. What is your favorite food?
I’d have to say pizza. It’s the most consistent favourite.

81. Can you change the oil on a car?
I do believe I can yes.

82. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket?
Yup. And almost had a 2nd but the cop who stopped me had the same car and knew how fast it went. Really, he just didn’t want to ticket me I think.

83. Have you ever run out of gas?
Nope. Close yes though. Very very close.

84. What is your usual bedtime?
99% of the time never before midnight. Usually closer to 2 or 3 am.

86. Do you read the newspaper?
Not so often. I read daily news online from slashdot and dailywtf.

87. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
Men’s Health.

88. Best comedian?
Robert Schimmel and Larry the Cable Guy.

89. Do you watch soap operas?
Yeah, no.

90. Do you dance in the car?
No, but Sheena sure does.

Popularity: 4% [?]