How many times has a friend said that to you? If you’ve ever been through a tough time, I’m sure you’ve heard it a lot. Or if you’ve had friends going through a tough time, I’m sure you’ve said it to them.

But what does it really mean to tell someone that you’re a good listener?

Does that mean that we sit there and while they talk, we don’t talk? Or are we supposed to actually hear what they say and understand what they’re saying so that we can respond to them, thus making it a two way conversation?

Based on what I’ve gone through in my life, I can tell you that being a good listener means a few things:

1. Be present and be aware – if you told your friend that you’d be there for them…then be there for them. Being there for your friend is worth giving up a few hours sleep once in a while. Or not going out drinking with your friends. Or watching your favourite tv show another night. Think about what is really important in life. Relationships. Caring about people. Love. Connections. That’s what matters.

2. While they talk, listen and hear what they’re saying. When they’re not talking, give your honest feedback/insight/opinion. If you don’t think they can handle what they should hear, don’t tell them. But don’t make something up because you think that’s what they want to hear. Life is too short to tiptoe around and tell people something you don’t really mean. A friend of mine asked earlier on Facebook what people thought integrity meant. I told her “doing what you say and saying what you do”. I think that applies to every facet of your life. You can start now. It’s as simple as being yourself.

If you don’t think you’re able or ready to do these two things for a friend, then don’t tell them “if you ever need to talk…I’m a good listener”.

They’ll appreciate you more for being honest than for you being a terrible listener.

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Compromise isn’t a bad thing. Although it can be, the type of compromise I’m talking about is healthy compromise.

First of all, what does compromise mean? According to Merriam Webster online, the definition which I find applicable is

something intermediate between or blending qualities of two different things

The reason this definition fits well is that because in any relationship (whether it’s a friendship, a family member, or your spouse) in order to be happy, there will have to be a blending of two different things. Say for example you’re dating someone who loves watching the Bachelorette but you love watching Golf – how can you blend these together? Well, you could let them have their time to watch the Bachelorette and in turn, they would let you watch golf during the final round on Sundays. This would be a hands off compromise. A more involved compromise would be her watching golf with you and you watching the Bachelorette with her. This is a healthier compromise I believe because both partners are taking an interest in each other’s lives (albeit through television, but an interest nonetheless).

With family members, a compromise could involve how often you visit, where you visit, christmas presents, etc…

With friends, a compromise could involve having someone different choose a restaurant/movie each time so the same person isn’t always getting what they want.

The amazing thing with individuals is that everyone has their own unique interests. Many times, whether in a friendship or relationship, these interests will overlap, but the beauty is that when they don’t, you do have the ability to blend those different interests together.

It will make for unexpected situations, discovering new happiness and having a different perspective on everyday things. The next time you are in a situation where a compromise seems like the only option…go for it. You might surprise yourself with how much fun you end up having!

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