I’ve been struggling the past few days with the concept of following your passion. In the pursuit, you will gain so much in return but the journey will also be very lonely since you will be doing much of it on your own.

I’ve been discovering just how lonely this pursuit can be. I don’t go out drinking with friends. I practice for hours on my own. I go on long trips by myself. From the outside, people see my accomplishments and are proud of me and are happy for me. But what they don’t see is just how much you have to give up in order to achieve something.

I’ve always loved sports and most of those sports were team sports. You achieved something together – you could celebrate victory together or mourn defeat together. But, when you choose to go out on your own and do what you truly love, who is there to cheer you along and celebrate with you?

I am starting to see why celebrities and athletes at the top of their game will do things that others deem wrong. When you do so much great, it’s a hard fall on those down times. The highs are very high and the lows are very low.

I’ve had a few things in the back of my mind. One is a quote and the other is a scene from a movie.

The quote is:

It’s ok to think about what you want to do…until it’s time to start doing what you were meant to do.

I’ve always known what I wanted to do. Play sports. That’s never been a question in my mind. But as to what I’m meant to do – I don’t know. I feel like the past 10 1/2 years I’ve been floating around sort of lost. Losing my mom in 2001 was the hardest thing that could have ever happened to me. I feel like the past year I’ve finally been able to start feeling more “normal” again but it’s a very difficult process to go through something so sudden, so unexpectedly and at such a young age (I was only 18).

The scene from a movie is from Men in Black:

Kay walks over to Dee, who sits sullenly. Dee says that it didn’t use to happen. He looks up at the stars and says that they’re beautiful. Accepting his imminent retirement, he tells Kay that he’ll miss the chase, Kay gives him presents for retired dads because that was what he was for him. Kay puts on his sunglasses, sets the neuralizer to 1961, and replies, “No Dee, you won’t”, and then flashes the neuralizer.

Have you had a  moment like that before? When you look up at the stars and see beyond them – realize that there is so much more out there that you’re capable of and could be doing? Or do you look up, see them for their beauty and go back to your life, being happy in what you’re doing?

I tend to overthink but at the same time, it’s gotten me where I am so I don’t regret it.

However, I’m curious how you approach moments like this in your life?