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The 2 Approaches to Dating

There are 2 approaches to dating – physical and emotional.

There are many ways to meet people today but you can categorize them in 2 ways – online and in real life.

The problem with meeting someone online is that you can get away with saying things you wouldn’t normally say to them in person and also you don’t really know what the person looks like since all you have to go off is whatever pictures that person chooses to share (usually the pictures they feel show their best side, not what they actually look like).

The problem with meeting someone in real life is that, although you can physically tell if you’re attracted to them, it will take longer to get to know them emotionally.

The issue of taking longer to establish an emotional relationship with someone is why many people choose to use online dating. It gives them the ability to talk to multiple people at once, both physically and emotionally filtering through, asking questions and ultimately choosing who they want to meet. At the end of the day, you can’t have a relationship with someone, either physically or emotionally, without meeting them. A virtual relationship could be completely fake if you haven’t met the other person. You can disagree with me on this, but after you meet someone in person, it changes the dynamic of your relationship since you can now put a face to a name.

Let’s get back to the title of this article – the 2 approaches to dating – and frame it mostly within the context of the online dating world, since the majority of people use this as a way to meet a partner.

There are many websites that tout themselves as being used to meet someone to date, to varying degrees. While there are a lesser number of websites that tout themselves as a way to meet a sexual partner, along with having the ability to date, although their initial point of contact is from a sexual perspective.

PlentyofFish, OkCupid, Match, EHarmony, LavaLife, Fetlife (NSFW), AdultFriendFinder (NSFW) are just a few of the sites out there that are available to meet someone.

Except for Fet and AFF, the others claim that they’re more about dating than sex, although at the end of the day, sex is a part of dating.

On those sites, it’s good to get to know someone before meeting. Find out about them. What they do, where they’re from, what matters to them. Talk on the phone with them. Skype with them. Then meet. That’s a good way to establish a base for an emotional relationship. Ultimately, we all will talk to someone on a dating site if we are A) attracted to their photos and B) interested in what they have to say. But, in order to meet will all depend on each person. Sometimes you know right away you’ll get along with someone so you might only talk for a few minutes before meeting. Other times, one person might take a bit more to open up and so it could take a few weeks to meet. However, no matter how you do it, connecting emotionally first is the best way to go if you are looking for a long term relationship. When the sex does happen, both partners will have some emotional connection established and so both (especially the guy) will be less likely to lose interest since he has emotion invested.

However Fet and AFF (and the other dating sites when used that way) make it very easy to meet someone without know much about that person other than what they look like and what their sexual preferences are. But, by starting off having sex with someone, there isn’t much emotion invested. Although this study shows that love can grow from having sex with someone, it also is very easy to lose interest with someone after sex because there isn’t a lot of emotion attached if it happens early.

Sometimes, the more you get to know about them, the less you’ll be interested in pursuing something with them. In that case, probably no sex. But if you start off sleeping with someone right away, there’s also a chance you won’t want to get know more about them either if it’s not good of if you’re just not feeling a strong connection.

This is based on experience, from talking to friends and from reading/watching videos on the subject. I’m not saying go slow but I do think it’s better to wait to have sex until there is a fairly strong emotional connection. Not only will the sex be better but I think there’s a greater chance for success in the relationship this way. If that’s what you’re looking for. If not, have fun!

1 thought on “The 2 Approaches to Dating”

  1. Nice blog. Yes I agree with all of what you said. Online dating is an interesting animal. People can be and say anything they want. Oh, and some of the pictures? lol The true test is finding the person who actually is the person they claim to be. When I was online I found the genuine and honest ones were hard to find. Also, yes,one definitely cannot go on virtual communication…It is so easy to create information in our heads to fill in the gaps we don’t know about the person. Our imaginations are wonderful aren’t they?
    Another challenge besides meeting someone who is authentic, attractive and who you find interesting is also finding someone who is sexually compatible. That is very huge. Relationships are very complicated I think and one needs to have all the check marks ticked off….. Especially if it’s long term. One can have a great relationship, friendship etc,  but if you are too different in the bedroom, that isn’t good either, and the longer one waits to have sex, there can be a lot of emotional involvement and it would be much harder to let them go. I do think it’s best to wait. But not too long. lol

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